Loved Beyond Words...Missed Beyond Measure
10 years later. I still remember everything that happened. I remember those words. I remember the hurt, the shock, the pain, the anger. I remember the questions...the whys, the what-could-I-have-done, 10 years ago we lost a wonderful, successful, charismatic brother/son/father/etc...to a horrible sickness. An illness so debilitating, so haunting. One that makes you feel invincible one day, and worthless the next. When people don't see help for this sickness, they try to self medicate--drink, do drugs, spend money--whatever they can to get a high, a rush, and feed their mania. But eventually, none of that is going to help...none of that will help kill that inner pain. That rush, that high, only lasts for so long and then the severe depression takes over. The drugs, the alcohol, only fuel the disease and cause you to not be yourself. Eventually, you cannot mask the pain anymore, nothing is fixing it. You don't want to die, you just want the pain gone.
10 years ago today, I lost my brother to suicide. I feel like I've fought his battles the past few days when discussing the Robin Williams tragedy. While reading some ignorant comments have been so hurtful and made me so angry, I am thankful that the discussions are happening. People need to be educated on what depression, bipolar, and other mental illnesses really are, and how it affects the victim, as well as the family.
I want to touch on a couple of the comments I've read recently.
"Suicide is selfish"
The victim is in pain...most have tried alcohol, drugs, sex, etc to mask whatever pain they feel. None of that will work anymore...the highs will be gone...and they are still hurting. They will try anything to get rid of the pain. It's been said by those who have attempted suicide but lived that they did not really want to die, and hoped they would be found in time. They didn't know what else to do to get rid of the pain. This is why people slit their wrists. They think this pain will get rid of whatever angst they feel, the pain the feel deep down.
"Suicide victims aren't Christians"
This comment really gets to me. Mental illnesses are just like any other illness in your body. Mind you, I am NOT comparing it to other horrible diseases like Cancer, I am saying it is a disease that can be medicated and more controlled like other illnesses. When I gave this response on a Christian celebrities post about Williams...someone responded, "well, I believe you can get healed from depression." Ok, yea, sure. You can get healed from it if, just like you can receive a healing from anything else. We've even seen those healed of Cancer, but then we see others who haven't been physically healed. Maybe God has used their situation to help that person be a light and inspiration to others. God uses the sick and the broken to guide those into His Kingdom....not just the healthy and the happy. To say that someone wasn't a Christian or wasn't spiritual enough because they committed suicide is just wrong, and is not helping others, not only spiritually, but mentally.
If you're someone reading the ignorant comments like those, DON'T LISTEN TO THEM. Just get the help you need...don't self medicate, because this sickness is greater than drugs or alcohol. Those will help for a while, but eventually you will need something stronger to get rid of the pain. Thankfully, there IS medicine. There IS counseling, This WILL help. You can overcome any depressive thoughts, any doubts, any questions. You are loved but so many close to you, and then by so many who have never met you. You have so many fighting for you and your illness. We WILL help you through this....just seek the help you need.
Cory, when you left, a part of me did too. We went from being the 4 Washburn kids to 3. Our family changed without you. We have done a pretty darn good job at trying to pick up the pieces and put them back together as best as we can, but the puzzle will never be complete because we are missing some pieces....You and Dad. You have been my musical inspiration. Thank you for being that older brother that was always singing, always picking on me, always "throwing me over your shoulder like a sack of potatoes" lol. I have so many memories from our childhood, and the few years of my adult life I had with you. Thank you for giving me such wonderful children to be an aunt to. They are AMAZING! I know you're proud.
Cory Alan, you are loved beyond words...missed beyond measure. Love you Bub!
10 years ago today, I lost my brother to suicide. I feel like I've fought his battles the past few days when discussing the Robin Williams tragedy. While reading some ignorant comments have been so hurtful and made me so angry, I am thankful that the discussions are happening. People need to be educated on what depression, bipolar, and other mental illnesses really are, and how it affects the victim, as well as the family.
I want to touch on a couple of the comments I've read recently.
"Suicide is selfish"
The victim is in pain...most have tried alcohol, drugs, sex, etc to mask whatever pain they feel. None of that will work anymore...the highs will be gone...and they are still hurting. They will try anything to get rid of the pain. It's been said by those who have attempted suicide but lived that they did not really want to die, and hoped they would be found in time. They didn't know what else to do to get rid of the pain. This is why people slit their wrists. They think this pain will get rid of whatever angst they feel, the pain the feel deep down.
"Suicide victims aren't Christians"
This comment really gets to me. Mental illnesses are just like any other illness in your body. Mind you, I am NOT comparing it to other horrible diseases like Cancer, I am saying it is a disease that can be medicated and more controlled like other illnesses. When I gave this response on a Christian celebrities post about Williams...someone responded, "well, I believe you can get healed from depression." Ok, yea, sure. You can get healed from it if, just like you can receive a healing from anything else. We've even seen those healed of Cancer, but then we see others who haven't been physically healed. Maybe God has used their situation to help that person be a light and inspiration to others. God uses the sick and the broken to guide those into His Kingdom....not just the healthy and the happy. To say that someone wasn't a Christian or wasn't spiritual enough because they committed suicide is just wrong, and is not helping others, not only spiritually, but mentally.
If you're someone reading the ignorant comments like those, DON'T LISTEN TO THEM. Just get the help you need...don't self medicate, because this sickness is greater than drugs or alcohol. Those will help for a while, but eventually you will need something stronger to get rid of the pain. Thankfully, there IS medicine. There IS counseling, This WILL help. You can overcome any depressive thoughts, any doubts, any questions. You are loved but so many close to you, and then by so many who have never met you. You have so many fighting for you and your illness. We WILL help you through this....just seek the help you need.
Cory, when you left, a part of me did too. We went from being the 4 Washburn kids to 3. Our family changed without you. We have done a pretty darn good job at trying to pick up the pieces and put them back together as best as we can, but the puzzle will never be complete because we are missing some pieces....You and Dad. You have been my musical inspiration. Thank you for being that older brother that was always singing, always picking on me, always "throwing me over your shoulder like a sack of potatoes" lol. I have so many memories from our childhood, and the few years of my adult life I had with you. Thank you for giving me such wonderful children to be an aunt to. They are AMAZING! I know you're proud.
Cory Alan, you are loved beyond words...missed beyond measure. Love you Bub!
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